


"Words that Mean Something to Me" - Park Jisung

by zhongwritings



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Happy New Year!, Jisung Collects Quotes, M/M, Not Beta Read, tbh it doesn't make much sense ?!, think of this as a teaser of sorts..., this is going to be turned into a 50k+ fic, yeah hahahahahahahaha don't hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhongwritings/pseuds/zhongwritings
Summary: Jisung collects quotes. Chenle is intrigued.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	"Words that Mean Something to Me" - Park Jisung

Jisung has always collected quotes.

Words that meant things to him at certain times in his life, or words he hoped would mean something to him in the future.

He had a big book where he word type out and print these quotes, keeping them so he could look back at the words that have changed the way he viewed the world- whether that be literally or figuratively. 

Chenle was intrigued by Jisung’s collection.

He would constantly find himself in Jisung’s bedroom with the book of words splayed out before him on the floor, his mind reeling with questions about how an eighteen year old could find words to be so important. 

They were still in high school. There was nothing philosophical or meaningful about that.

But Jisung would always say ‘it isn’t about the event, it’s about the experience.’ And Chenle would roll his eyes and beg Jisung to be normal. Whatever normal was.

And then Jisung would snatch the book from Chenle, as if the words inside were meant to be kept secret. And he would tell Chenle to be a little bit more weird. Because weird was ‘good for the soul’.

This was a similar day to all of the other days Chenle and Jisung had spent together- they were walking home from school, the sun of late Spring pressing pointedly into their backs, sweat dripping agonizingly slow from their necks. Chenle hated the way his sweat collected in the collar of his shirt.

“Did you study for the English exam we have tomorrow?” Jisung asked. His hands were in his pockets as he strolled along, Chenle practically leagues ahead of him on the sidewalk.

“What?” Chenle asked, annoyance evident in his voice. “You’re walking so slow I can barely hear you.” He paused in his stride, waiting for Jisung to catch up to him.

“Sorry,” Jisung replied. He jogged over to Chenle, before asking once more, “did you study for the English exam we have tomorrow?”

“We have an exam tomorrow?” Chenle asked, his eyes going wide as he stared up at Jisung.

“Yeah?” 

“I- I didn’t know that!” Chenle complained. He threw his head back in anguish as he shuffled down the sidewalk beside Jisung. “Who schedules an exam on a Friday? Is Mr. Suh a sadist or something?”

“Who knows,” Jisung said, before sighing and turning to Chenle. “I haven’t really studied much either… how about you come over and we study together then?”

Chenle smiled wide at Jisung, before nodding brightly.

Jisung’s house was empty, as per usual.

Chenle hopped up the stairs two at a time, yelling something to Jisung about how he was thirsty, and before Jisung’s sock could even hit the first step, he was turning around and heading off to the kitchen to get Chenle a glass of water.

Once they were finally settled down on Jisung’s floor, notebooks and novels spread out before them, Chenle spoke again.

“So what’s the exam on anyway?” He asked, taking a sip from his glass.

“It’s our final,” Jisung deadpanned. “It’s on all of the literature we’ve gone over and read this semester… you know, _1984_ , _The Color Purple_ , _Flowers for Algernon_ … all of those books we read?”

“Oh…” Chenle muttered, his voice trailing off as he looked down at the books in front of him. “So that’s why you have everything out like this…”

“Yes Chenle,” Jisung said, running a hand through his hair. “That _is_ why. You can use my studyguide to get started, okay? I have to add a few more quotes to my book.”

“When did you get new quotes?” Chenle asked. “I didn’t think you had any new ones since you finished dom quinoa? Or whatever that book was called?”

“ _Don Quixote_ ,” Jisung corrected, a grimace falling over his lips as he pulled his quote book out, turning to the last-edited page. “And that quote was my last one. Do you remember it?”

“Ji, I could barely remember the name of the book,” Chenle replied.

Jisung sighed, before he turned the book towards Chenle and spoke.

“ _When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be_.” Jisung said, eyes closed and mouth proud as he spoke the memorized words. “This quote is great, I mean… doesn’t it make you think about everything you’ve done in life up until now? It really made me question things when I read it.” 

“Right,” Chenle replied, nodding slowly as he looked back down at the studyguide in his lap. “I guess that makes sense… but I still don’t really get how you can understand life like that just from some words.”

“Maybe one day you’ll understand,” Jisung sighed.

~

“I don’t get this part,” Chenle complained. “What does he mean here… this quote doesn’t make any sense.”

“Which quote?” Jisung asked, mild excitement bubbling inside of him as Chenle began to read the words aloud.

“ _Never again will you be capable of ordinary human feeling. Everything will be dead inside you. Never again will you be capable of love, or friendship, or joy of living, or laughter, or curiosity, or courage, or integrity. You will be hollow. We shall squeeze you empty, and then we shall fill you with ourselves_.” Chenle spoke, confusion in his voice as the words fell from his lips. “How can they do that unless he allows them to empty him?” Chenle asked.

Jisung cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“Like, how can they fill him with their own intentions and beliefs and bits of themselves, if he doesn’t let them?” Chenle questioned. “All he has to do is prevent them from doing that… and he’ll be okay, right?”

“Hmm, sort of,” Jisung answered. “It’s like… they will force themselves inside of him. They will force their beliefs and intentions and ideals inside of his head through propaganda and subliminal messaging. That’s kind of the whole point.”

Chenle nodded slowly as he began to understand, and Jisung smiled as he looked down at his book of quotes.

_I’ll have to add that one to the book… under ‘Chenle’s Inquisition’._

Jisung loved hearing Chenle’s questions and inquiries about different words and quotes. He especially loved that Chenle only ever came to him when he was curious about something related to words and their meanings. To Jisung, it meant that Chenle trusted him and that he was someone Chenle was able to count on. That warmed Jisung’s heart.

~

“I think I’m done,” Chenle announced suddenly. He closed the study guide and tucked all of the novels away into his backpack, and then settled himself beside Jisung. “Are you gonna keep studying?”

“For a bit,” Jisung replied.

Chenle nodded, and then stirred silently in his seat. “Can I… see your book?”

“My book?” Jisung asked, moving to hand Chenle his textbook.

“No, no,” Chenle said, waving off the book. “Your… quote book. Can I read it?”

“Oh- uhm, sure,” Jisung said, picking up his quote book and handing it to Chenle.

Chenle was surprised at Jisung’s sudden compliance, as he had always kept the book from Chenle in the past. But he wasn’t complaining.

The pages of the book were worn at the beginning, different pieces of paper stapled in here and there, colorful lines written haphazardly across the pages- times when Jisung needed to get the words out as soon as possible, it seemed.

Chenle took the book and flipped through the pages slowly, waiting to find a page that caught his eye.

He landed upon a bright green page that was titled ‘ _Lovely Words from Someone Else’s Mouth’_. He glanced over to Jisung, who was buried nose deep in his English textbook, paying Chenle no mind.

Chenle opened the following page, and there were quotes Jisung had scribbled in, all dated and quoted with who said the words.

The first quote said:

_“It sucks you can’t make someone love you. When technically speaking, they made you love them.” - Second Year High School Student, male, outside of LOTTE Shopping Center. Said to someone on the phone. Context: Unknown. December 20th._

The second quote said:

_“I’ll never tell him how much I cried that day.” - Middle aged woman, Seoul Station. Said to a teenage girl in casual clothing. Context: Unknown. March 27th._

The third quote said:

_“Did you miss me enough to drink, or did you drink enough to miss me?” - Elderly woman, the alleyway off of fifth avenue. Said to a man who was kneeling on the ground before her. Context: I suppose the husband went out to drink, and came home begging for forgiveness for all of his wrongdoings. It seemed to be a regular occurrence. May 15th._

Chenle had never read this part of the book before, but the words on the page made his heart well up with something akin to tears. Jisung was so curious, was so aware. He always paid attention to what was going on around him. Even though he was so young, he gave so much meaning to life.

Chenle smiled to himself before he continued reading the words that Jisung had so diligently scribbled into the book.

_“Your heart and my heart are very very old friends.” - Elementary school student, female. Said to another little girl. Context: unknown. April 21st._

Chenle turned the page, and what he saw written on the top of the page made him want to cry. 

The page was entitled ‘ _Lovely Words From a Mouth I Want to Kiss’_ and there were dozens of quotes and words that Chenle had said over the years that he had known Jisung. He looks through, reading over specific memories he remembers sharing with Jisung.

_Spring, 2017. Chenle is standing in front of his locker, staring helplessly into it as he realizes he forgot to do a paper for Mr. Kim’s class. He turns to me and says “Sungie, can’t we just run away from here? Can’t we just leave this all behind and go live alone in the middle of the woods or something? You and me. We can do that, right?” Never have I wanted to say yes so badly._

_Winter, 2018. Jaemin got into his accident a few weeks ago. Chenle hasn’t stopped calling me to ask if we can go visit him at home. He called me just now, at 2:58 am. He whispered so quietly into the phone I thought he was asleep. He said “Will Jaeminnie be alright? Can’t we just… wish for him to get better? The doctors aren’t really doing much, Jisung. I think if we wish on a shooting star, then he’ll heal a bit faster. Are you free to go look at the stars tonight?”_

_Summer, 2019. Chenle and I are sitting beside the Han River having a picnic together. He reaches his hand towards the sun and goes “It’s warm!” Like a little kid… Ah… Chenle… you make me feel like I’ll never grow up._

_Fall, 2020. Chenle is older now. He isn’t as childish as he once was. He lives alone here in Seoul, and despite the fact that I spend almost all of my time with him, he still seems to have matured much faster than me. We are sitting on the swings at the park beside his house, the sun is just past set. He swings back and forth slowly, at a clock’s pace. He looks out into the trees and says “Sungie, can we stay together like this? Can we just get old and gross looking together? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get used to someone the way I’m used to you. I don’t think I want to get used to someone the way I’m used to you. Stay with me, okay?” Of course I’ll stay with you._

And now, Chenle was crying.

**Author's Note:**

> cliffhanger vibes lmfao this was like,, a teaser !! as i said... so i wonder what happens next? who knows...
> 
> twt + cc @zhongwritings
> 
> thanks for reading hehehe i hope 2021 treats you well !! <333


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